Be Kind to All You Meet

"Today, I will be kind to all living creatures." - The Reiki Creed

I could have all kinds of fun with cliches around this topic. In fact, I won't promise I won't pepper this post liberally with them. But the simple fact is: this world would be a much better place if more people practiced kindness.

What does it mean to be kind?

Kindness is simply a state of love, benevolence, affection or consideration without expectation of anything in return. We often comment about how kind someone is to animals or children, neither of which can really give us "favors" in return for the loving things we do for them.

Kindness comes from a place deep inside where we are secure within ourselves, our own skin. It's very difficult to act kindly toward anyone or anything (least of all ourselves) when our Ego is in full control, or we're coming from a place of fear or neglect.

Why should I be kind?

"But," you ask, "Why the heck should I be kind? Who has the time in our rat-race to stop and do something kind for anyone, let alone ourselves!"

You rather answered your own question, I think. Why should we take the time to be kind, compassionate or loving toward ourselves or anyone else for that matter?

Let's face it. We live in an extremely fast-paced, trample-others-to-get-ahead culture. In the rush to do it all, we kind of miss the whole point of life. We're here to connect; really connect with others. When you're too busy to slow down and connect, you miss the opportunity to be kind, or to receive kindness.

In our rush to get it all done, to get all the "shoulds" done before we finally drop, exhausted and hollow, onto our bed late at night, thoughts still racing through our heads before restless sleep claims us and we're at it again, we miss simple moments in our lives.

Because we were rushed, we took the barista's slowness personally, even though, if we'd taken a few breaths and looked around, we'd notice that her boss is criticizing every move she makes.

Because we were in a rush and thinking about something else, we got offended and angry at the driver who cut us off on the highway. We raised our own blood pressure, strained our heart and brain honking and screaming, and never took a moment to think that it was the off-ramp for the hospital, and perhaps that other driver is racing to be at the bedside of a loved one that might not make it through the night.

Because we were in a rush, we yelled at the kids to hurry up and get out the door, never noticing that our youngest is flushed and feverish, or that our middle child is having one of those clumsy days.

Because we were in a rush, we didn't take the few moments to feed our body a healthy breakfast with whole, natural food, and we just slammed down a super-sized, caffeine and sugar and fat laden latte, and then can't understand why we feel like crap come lunchtime (another super-sized latte anyone?).

What kindness is...

Kindness, at it's core, is unconditional love, expressed freely and without expectation of anything in return.

Kindness is taking a moment to step outside our own experience and extending understanding to another living being.

Kindness is understanding that no one is, or should be, alone in this world.

It is slowing down just enough at the cash register to smile at the clerk. It is stooping to help your middle child pick up the cereal that sloshed out of the bowl in their rush to please you. It is relaxing on the sofa with your dog or cat, and focusing on something other than your to-do list for 10 minutes.

Kindness is acting from your heart, not your ego, simply for the joy of helping someone else.

What kindness is not...

Kindness does not expect anything in return.

It's not selfish.

Kindness doesn't get offended if it is rejected.

Kindness is not the same as being a doormat.

Kindness isn't asking someone to do something dangerous.

Kindness isn't about making yourself look good.

"I'm doing this for your own good!" [shouted angrily]--Is not kindness.

Who deserves your kindness?

Honestly, I think the better question is: Who doesn't deserve your kindness?

Your kids certainly deserve your kindness. You are the model of adulthood, partnership and parenting for them.

Your pets certainly deserve your kindness. You have committed to take care of them and meet their needs. They offer you unconditional love and trust - be worthy of it!

Your coworkers deserve your kindness. You're all working at the same grind, with the same struggles and troublesome bosses. You spend a third of your waking life at that job, so you may as well make it as pleasant as you can.

Those who serve you deserve your kindness. Most of them make little more than minimum wage, and you'd be appalled at how many times they have to deal with extremely irritating, annoying and silly people who'd like to hang all the world's troubles on them, for no better reason than because they can.

You deserve kindness from yourself. You alone know your struggles, and how difficult every day is. You can try to express them to others, but really, that's just a faint reflection of your inner life that no one else really can understand fully.

You deserve kindness-from yourself and others.

That's right. I said it again. You deserve kindness, too. This isn't a one way street. And it starts at home. You have to start being kind to yourself. Stop taking on projects you know you don't have time or energy for. Stop filling your body with non-fuel "food" that just slogs you down and makes you feel like crap. Give yourself the grace of slowing down enough in the evening that your brain can understand "it's time to rest now," so you can sleep.

When you start being kind to yourself, you open up energy to be kind and understanding with others. Not to mention, people ultimately will be kind in return as you start to be more open and relaxed because you're taking care of you.

Sometimes it's easier than others.

Yeah... I know. Sometimes, being kind is a lot easier said than done.

Sometimes, the person that most needs your kindness is the person most difficult to be kind to: That boss that is always yelling at you and everyone else; that jerk that's weaving in and out of traffic like a drunken maniac (you know the one); the woman who's paying for her groceries in 10,000 coupons and it's taking. All. Day. Long. (and you just have a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread to pay for).

Look at these moments as practice. Moments that are teaching you those gentle lessons in reframing your perspective. An opportunity to put a smile on someone's face.

In my experience, I've been both the woman paying in coupons and the person with just the milk and bread. I can tell you that I did not enjoy making everyone else wait for me. In fact, it was extremely embarrassing to hold everyone up. However, it was a time in my life when we had almost no money to pay for groceries, and the options were limited. Having an understanding smile flashed back to my apologetic half-smile made it a little more bearable.

You don't know what battles the other person is facing, any more than they can possibly comprehend the struggles you face today.

Practice it anyway - Practice makes perfect after all.

So, here's your homework for this week. Start your day with the intent to be kind, just for today. If that feels like it's too much, set the intent to find just one person to whom you can show kindness, and see how it feels. Even if it didn't work that time, try it again tomorrow, and the next day. As it becomes easier, up the ante to two people, three people.. until it becomes a regular habit. Look over your life, assess your values and how you're spending your time, and find ways that you can be kinder to yourself.

Before you know it, you'll be a pro, and you'll find your world is just a little nicer to be in because of your efforts.

Take Notice! Sense Focus Brings Fun to Exercise.

Spring has sprung.

We're now well into April, and a few weeks into Spring. I know that some places, the winter weather is hanging on for dear life - my heart goes out to those still buried under blizzards and snow. We're still having nasty Winter storms here on the Washington Coast, though they're loosing strength, and I'm making the most of our sunny days.

Even in the places where winter's hanging on for dear life.

But even if you're stuck in a place where Winter simply refuses to let go, little changes are happening. You might have to focus a little harder or look a little more carefully to see the differences from one day to the next.

You might have to look a little harder.

If you look, the snow doesn't last quite as long. The storms aren't as intense. You have more sunny days. Even though we started this morning out with sun, and we've got a lot of rain and wind only a couple hours into my Monday, I dashed out to get my walk in before the storm hit, and noticed how many yards are full of grape hyacinth and bluebells. The barely alive grass is punctuated with tons of brilliant blue, white and indigo. We've got hummingbirds starting to zip around, and the crow population isn't as visible as they turn to nesting.

Use your outdoor workout to see changes.

When you're out on your run or walk for the next several days, see how many different changes you can notice.

Make it a game.

If you walk 6 days a week, you can get most of your senses in, and focus on just one per day. On Tuesday, keep track of how many new flowers you can find. Wednesday, make it all about what smells you notice that weren't there a week or two ago. Out here on the coast, the air smells a little different during the height of the different seasons. Right now, I step out my front door and get a nose-full of a very sweet beachy smell.

Pick one of your senses, and track all the little changes you notice.

For the next week, assign each day of your walk or run workout to a sense. I actually use this exercise with my coaching clients in our 10-Week Tune Up, to get them in touch with their senses. It gets you engaged with your surroundings, and helps you notice more, while your workout goes much faster, because you're not focused on how many more miles, blocks or minutes you have to keep going.

Journal the changes you notice.

When you get home, jot down all the changes you noticed on your trek that day. You've exercised parts of your brain that you don't often work out just by focusing on that sense for the day; you can now strengthen your memory by actively remembering what you noticed on your walk. If you'd like to add just a little extra "pop" to your brain workout, spend a moment in gratitude for each of the changes you've noticed that signal winter is on it's way out and the cycle of life has begun again.

Your workout goes by much faster.

As I mentioned above, your workout goes by faster when you're focused outside your body. Check in periodically with your physical body to ensure that you're not injuring yourself in anyway, and to make sure that you're actually working your muscles and not meandering (though a lot can be said for a casual walk that focuses on your surroundings). But spend the bulk of your outdoor exercise focusing on just one or two senses, and see just how quickly the time goes by.

Further Reading:
Just to get you thinking about this, I'd like to offer up another perspective. Unfolding the Heart's blog this past week looks at how reflections in water prompt the writer to reflect on her surroundings and her own wholeness.