The Last Time I Cried & What I'm Looking Forward To - Day 28

Whoa... two topics that I either haven't written about, or that I can stand to write about again. How about that? Totally unexpected for this late in the series, but these two are intertwined for me at the moment, so here goes: 

I cried last night. 

Not a little, either. Last night, really hit me hard. I killed someone. Two people, actually, and it broke my heart to do it, even though I knew it was coming. 

Well, now that I have your attention, I suppose I should probably explain myself a little better. These two people? They only exist in my computer. They are, well were, characters in a book I'm writing. One was expected, she was old, and needed to die to make room for the things that push my protagonist to move forward toward her destiny. I expected her to die. I planned for her to die. And yet, it totally caught me off guard how deeply affected I was by her death. The second character that died was nameless, faceless, and she may get revived in the revision of the story. I wasn't happy with how that scene came out in the drafting, so who knows. That's the beauty of being a writer: You can make those changes. Usually. 

I've been trying to honor my commitment to writing for 1 hour a day. Every day.

I'm doing the NaNoWriMo challenge in November, and since I have two solid story ideas, I figured I'd use one to get into the habit of writing, and start finding what does and what does not work for me when it comes to writing. I'm reverse engineering this particular story; rather than developing the characters and setting and all that before drafting, I'm drafting the story, and going back and making notes about my main characters as I go. It's not easy work doing it this way, but I only have about 6 weeks left to get this drafted before my focus fully gets turned to the book I am writing for NaNo. That book is getting done in the "proper" way: I'm developing characters and settings and plots and archetypes before writing. 

Now, there's really no wrong way to write a book, I'm told, other than to not write the book that's in your head. Give yourself permission to write badly, just to get the idea down on paper. You can always go back and edit later. And you won't have anything to edit if you don't write in the first place.

So, this idea of writing badly, led to my tears last night. 

I spent 1 hour writing, probably looking a bit like a mad woman, pounding away at my keys, moving music into playlists as I went (I like to write to music, so I'm building playlists for the writing of both these books), and knocked out about 2,000 words in that 60 minutes. I have my work single spaced, so that comes out roughly to 5 pages of text. I think, just based on how I felt after writing it, that about half of that will get cut in the revision process. But I wrote. I honored my need to write, and did it.

Nothing sucks for a new writer nearly as much as spending an hour writing crap and killing off a loved character all in one night. I had to cry. I needed to purge the crappy feeling. I cried on my writing buddy's shoulder and gave myself permission to let it go. Tonight, I'll write again, and keep my protagonist moving towards her destiny. I'll work on my characters for the NaNo Book, and start shifting my focus just a bit towards their story.

Which brings me to what I'm looking forward to.

I'm looking forward to NaNo. I'm looking forward to write-ins with my buddy at her place in SecondLife. I'm looking forward to holding a finished manuscript in my hands; a story that I pulled out of my head and gave life to on paper.

That said, I'm also a little scared of it. My writing buddy and mentor, Allie McCormack, has encouraged me to submit my NaNo book for a competition that takes place in the months immediately after NaNo, which means getting that book revised, edited and ready for public consumption in just under 5 weeks (throw Christmas holidays in there, too, just for kicks and giggles). 

Her faith in me scares the hell out of me. My husband totally supports this idea. 

But Allie is right: It's motivation. If I commit to it, and pay to enter, then I have a really big reason to see it through. Even if I don't win, my book has been put out there, and that's not something I've ever done.

This whole year has been full of stuff I never thought I could actually do. I never thought I could get my craft business off the ground, and here I am, setting up an online store. 

I never thought I would find a good Reiki teacher that I could afford, and yet, today, I received my Reiki First Degree certification from my Reiki master/teacher, Elle North.

I never, ever thought I would see my dream of owning a bookstore materialize, and yet... Our online shop is open and doing business, with plans coming together for a physical store-front in the next 2 years.

I started this year out with a bunch of dreams that felt like a really far reach. And yet, here I am, standing near the end of the year with so much coming together that it drives me to tears sometimes. 

I don't think we would ever have been given the gift of dreaming, if our dreams were out of reach. So dream big, darling. Dream Big.

Oh, and if you are curious about this NaNoWriMo thing, check it out. If you're brave enough to write 50,000 words in a month, sign up, and grab me as your first writing buddy (JennBradshaw is my user name). If you're curious, but not sure you're ready this year, join me on my Sage Wolfsong Creations Facebook page, and let me know you want to be my cheerleader. I'd love to have you! If you happen to be in SecondLife, look up our NaNoWriMo Obsession group, and join us for write-ins, sharing, feedback and mutual cheering on. 

If you're enjoying this series, please hop over to Facebook and let me know! Or, you know, you could just drop a comment below. If you've missed any posts, you can skip back to the Intro and read from there.

Are you a blogger that's flailing for content and need a little break from your normal topics? Or perhaps you're just getting started, and would like to populate your blog with some great posts that help readers get to know you? Feel free to snag this challenge and run with it. Just... do so ethically, please. Cite your sources, And then, pop over to that Facebook page and let us all know you're doing the challenge so we can follow you, too!

Blog Challenge Day 7 - Pet Peeves and 10 Favorite Foods

Hmm... This one's going to annoy me and make me hungry, I can see that now.

So, what annoys me? What are my pet peeves?

My Grade A, #1, Numero Uno pet peeve is drama. I have enough of it in my life already. Get me stirred up and you've got a dragon on your hands. And I don't let it go easily. Start drama with me, and you'll probably find yourself flying out the proverbial back door pretty damn fast. So, just don't. No. Don't.

Whining and off-key singing are up there with drama, but not nearly to the degree of fire-breathing, dragon-inciting annoyance as the drama-mamas out there. Mostly, I'll just tell you to knock it off, then leave if you absolutely MUST do it... Ear buds are my friends.

Enough about that shiz... let's move on to tastier topics, shall we? 

My 10 Fav Foods? With Intuitive Eating, I'm finding that my tastes are changing, but here's the top ten list as of today:

1. Pizza - Especially with shrimp and pepperoni (thank you to my hubby who introduced me to this delight!). Okay.. Qualifying statement time: I love pizza of almost any kind. The cheesier the better, and the shrimp and pepperoni thing is a rare treat (almost no one makes it anymore, and popcorn shrimp is kinda pricey for our budget). I usually opt for a meat pizza, or Hawaiian is good... but shrimp and pepperoni makes my mouth water.
2. Chocolate ice cream, with chocolate sauce/brownie bits/peanut butter/goodies in it. Plain chocolate is a pass for me--I'd rather have it with bits of something in it. Nuts, not so much; but toss in some peanut butter cups, swirls of peanut butter or fudge, cookie dough, mint chips or brownie bites? YUM!
3. Corn dogs - Yes, this one's a little weird, I guess. I love corn dogs. I hate hot dogs, but I love the crunch of a good corn dog. My first pregnancy, this was one of the few foods I could eat without getting sick, and I still love them, 18 years later.
4. Cereal-Corn Pops, Cocopuffs, Chocolate Pebbles, Kashi, granola. Usually sweet cereals entice me more than plain "healthy" cereals, much to the detriment of my waist line in the past. Oh well! This stuff is yummy! And it makes for a quick meal when I'm distracted by creating and am too busy to cook, but still need to eat.
5. Cinnamon Rolls - The ooey-gooier the better! Hot, sticky, dripping with frosting. One'll do me to fix a craving, but oh the bliss while I'm fixing that craving! Follow it with a hot cup of tea and a brisk walk, and you've got a morning made in heaven for me.
   
6. Salad- Okay... when you're done getting treatment for that whiplash, or when you've finished picking your chin off the floor... Yes, I love salads. I have to be careful of the amount of the good, dark green, leafy stuff because of yet another health condition, but hey! I love a good bowl of crisp lettuce topped with some grape tomatoes, walnuts, a light coat of dressing, and maybe some tuna or mandarin oranges. Time for another salad, I think!
7. Oreo Cookie Milk Shakes - Oddly, not a fan of milk shakes in general, but these... The chunky kind from Jack in the Box... Mmmmm. I've made them at home, and almost have the mix down right, but these are a special treat when we go into town. 
8. Apples with nut butter - I have always liked my apples cut up into slices; even more when I have some peanut butter, almond butter or sunflower seed butter to dip them in. But recently, I discovered Apple Nachos, and made this the other night for dessert, and it became a hands-down favorite of the family. Warm peanut butter drizzled on thin-sliced apples, with a handful of dark chocolate chips on top. *drool*
9. Salami Sandwiches-My grandma used to make me salami sandwiches with Miracle Whip, and it was always this huge treat. Now, as an adult, I tried for years to replicate her technique, and never could, until I realized that, being married to a guy that didn't like Miracle Whip, plain mayo just isnt' the same. When I switched to Intuitive Eating, I treated myself to a small jar of Miracle Whip, and Viola! Taste matched, heart happy, mind sucked back into best memories. Nirvana reached.
10. Sourdough Bread-I grew up in the San Juaquin Valley in California, just a couple hours away from this tangy treat's home base. Sourdough was a staple with any soup we had, and to this day, I can easily get lost in a few slices of warm, buttered sourdough. I'm pretty sure I look odd, sniffing packages before I buy them, but that's the way to do it! Only fresh, and only if I can smell it. 

Hope today's post prompted some deep thinking of your own. See you again tomorrow for Day 8!

31 Day Blog Challenge - The Meaning Behind my Business Name

Day 3...

I'm still here. Yup. Still working on this. Today's challenge is to explain the meaning behind my business's name, "Unlabel My Love". There is a corresponding website for my biz, that's still in development (published, and always under construction), called Living Without Labels. Similar, and in the same theme, there's a story behind the name. Isn't there always? So, as I love to tell stories, get comfy, and I'll share the story behind Unlabel My Love.

I have always been a people pleaser. You know, that needy little person who bends over backwards for the smallest bit of praise? Doing everything to please everyone around them... Being "the good kid"... Striving for the goals set for me by other people. I worked my butt off in school to get the good grades, so I could get into a good college and get a good degree to open the doors to a good career. As defined by someone else.

What did I really want? Meh.. As I'm knocking on the door to 40 years old here, I couldn't even tell you what I really wanted because I was so busy trying to make others happy. I do recall wanting to be a race jockey, but by 4th grade, I was already taller than most professional riders, and heavier by at least 20 pounds. But that wasn't what killed that dream. "Girls don't do that," I was told. So... I shifted focus a little... "I'd like to be a veterinarian when I grow up," was met with girls don't do that kind of work.

Pshaw... Really?

Fast forward 15 years, and I'm married (to the wrong person and miserable for it) with two kids. I wanted to stay home and raise them, but I was, instead, working 50, 60, 70... sometimes 80 hours a week for a paycheck I didn't have time to spend, yet we never had money. But I was "a good Christian wife" and didn't believe in divorce.

Give me another 5 years, and I managed to overcome that belief, remarried, have another beautiful daughter with my military husband, and I'm living with the label of "Army Wife"--which honestly, I never minded so much. But O.M.G.! The labels they use in the military (and I'm not just talking about the soldiers--those labels are useful and necessary to maintain discipline, order and chain of command so that things don't get uber messy and ugly!). "Oh, your husband is only a [fill in the blank, complete with condescending tone from an officer's wife]?" Wait.. since when did my husband's position define me as a person? Hmm...

Another 2 or 3 years down the road, and our little one has started school. I've developed several debilitation medical problems that all fit hand in hand with each other, and I'm dealing with disability paperwork, medical appointments, drugs of all kinds, pain like you wouldn't believe (or maybe you would?), and my daughter is showing signs of her own problems. Like ADHD, autism, and a speech disorder. She's having trouble with learning to read, and I'm fighting tears with every lesson, because she's just not getting it. I'm overwhelmed because I want her to enjoy school, to love reading, and to savor learning (a tall order for any 5 year old, I know... but what can I say?), and I'm on the phone, crying my heart out to her teacher that I just don't know how to make this work.

You know, the teacher we had for our daughter's kindergarten and first grade years should be nominated for sainthood. She stood by our daughter, advocating for her long after we were no longer in her class, advising me as mother and "learning coach" (the online public school title for a parent who does all the teaching, but doesn't have teaching credentials, so the school gets all the credit for the student's actual learning). This woman was a phenomenal force in our daughter's early education, and her best advice to me was this:

Sometimes, you have to throw away the manuals, and do what's best for your child. If she's not learning it the way they want you to teach it, find a new way to teach it. The end result is really what matters the most--that she knows you love and accept her as she is, and that she grasps the material and how to learn even more from what she already knows. Take away the labels and the stereotypes, and let her be herself, let her learn in her own way, and you'll all be happier for it.

"Take away the labels and the stereotypes..."

 We did.. we did just that. We did get her into speech therapy and get an "official" diagnosis of ADHD so that the school would allow us to let our daughter learn the way she learns best (sometimes, she moves really fast through information that she gets, sometimes, it takes her a while to get a concept if she's resisting it and the school just wasn't going to allow that without "a medical reason"). They slapped her in special education classes, even though she's extremely bright (she developed a love of Shakespeare in 3rd grade). And it took some really extreme measures to get her special ed teacher to stop treating her like an imbecile (test scores are everything, and my daughter tests low on standardized tests for reasons I won't go into here). Those measures earned her the label of "twice exceptional," which really just meant that they expected even more from her in areas outside of school, adding pressure, and they didn't take me seriously when I said that this kid learns at her own pace. She might fall behind for a month while she fights to understand a new concept in math, but then she'll make it up in the next two months, and be 5 months ahead of her peers. The labels that the school slapped on her restricted her (and us as her parents) so much that we finally said to heck with it all, got our certifications and decided to homeschool her completely. (The best choice we ever made, by the way, though it's been a difficult road of it's own.)

Around 3rd grade, the school started pushing us to pursue getting our daughter tested for high functioning Autism spectrum disorders. I started that process. And then, when we got to the point of calling to schedule that appointment, my daughter looked at me and asked "So, if they decide I have this, what other labels am I going to be stuck with?"

There are moments in a mother's life, that change everything. 

This was one of those moments. Getting this diagnosis wasn't going to change anything for her. We were already planning on pulling her out of public school, and this label wasn't going to change how we parented, or how we saw her or handled her education. What's more, I had researched this thing, and talked to several parents who had children diagnosed with this. I'd talked to teachers about it, And I was dealing with a couple people in my life at the time who used ASD as an excuse for some really poor behavior (perhaps this is ignorant of me, but if you know that you abuse people because of a medical or mental disorder, it's time to get some professional help. It's never okay to use or abuse others and excuse it with "I have [fill in the blank], so you have to put up with it."). I excused myself from the abusive situations, moved on with my life, and after careful discussion with my husband, we opted not to move forward with having her tested for ASD.

The bottom line, was that our daughter simply didn't need another label on her life. She is who she is. Period. And that's how we want her to see herself, and how we want to see her. That time in our lives led me to really start looking at my own life, and my own beliefs. I found that there were dozens of times every day that I would label others and myself. I was hiding behind my own labels, and using labels others had stuck on me as an excuse for not following my own passions and taking care of my own needs.

Long story short (I know, too late, right?), Unlabel My Love and Living Without Labels are the brain children of a woman who has spent the last few years peeling stickers off of her energetic life, trying to find peace within a space where stereotypes and labels aren't welcome, where people are free to be who they are without restriction, and where my dreams, and the dreams of others can take flight in a peaceful place filled with love and nurturing for spirit and soul.

Look Up! Hang Up Your Phone to Connect with Your World

Put down your phone for a few minutes.
(Unless of course you're reading this, then finish and then put down the phone)

Really.

I mean it.

We spend way too much energy and attention on our little hand-held life-lines to the greater world. And it's robbing us of our moment-to-moment richness of the life around you.

We hurry and stress and work ourselves into the ground to afford the "latest and greatest" devices. And for what? At the end of the day, that phone or tablet doesn't keep you company. It can't love you in return.

It can keep you connected to those you love when they're away from you, but there's a time and a place for that, and a time and a place to put the phone down.

Look around you.

It's really kind of sad when you look around the restaurant and see people glued to their phones instead of talking to the people they're sitting with.

It's even more sad when we walk to the beach, and I see kids playing in the sand, their guardians sitting nearby with a phone or tablet in their hands.

Heck, I've even watched people walk down the street, eyeballs glued to the screen of their phone, thumbs bouncing off the surface as they scramble another text, tweet, Instagram, or some other social media post.

I watch this, and I wonder, "Is this what our lives boil down to now? Memes, jokes, selfies? And the world outside of social media is just so miserable that all we do is work and sleep in it?"

Not all that long ago, this was me. On the computer, working on something, with my phone beside me, bouncing back and forth between computer and phone, managing 6 tasks at once, and getting nothing done.

I resolved to set down the phone. (The Universe helped some with this.. not long after I resolved to set it down and leave it alone, the darn thing up and died completely on me. Now it's just a brick, and I'm not in a huge rush to get a new one, as I don't have a dire need for it.)

There's a TON of stuff to see!

When I resolved to put my phone down, I started noticing stuff (and started getting a heck of a lot done around the house and in my business).

I started noticing how my daughter fidgets with her pencil when her school work is starting to stress her out.

I started noticing when my dog gets restless.

I started noticing when my body feels good, and when it doesn't feel so good, especially when I put the wrong foods into it.

I started noticing how I was wasting time, and how much more I got done in short bursts of really focused attention. And I started noticing where I had gaps I could fill with stuff that revolves around my values and what's important to me.

Have you noticed lately...

It's well into April now, and unless you live someplace like Colorado, it definitely looks like spring outside. My dahlias are starting to come up, my primroses are dying back. The Christmas cacti in my window and sacred space are blooming. Again. For the 3rd time in 12 months.

Have you set your phone down long enough to notice what's going on in and around your home?

Have you looked up from that little screen to notice how tall your son or daughter is getting?

Have you slowed down long enough to really enjoy your meals?

Have you taken 5 minutes to really look yourself in the eye and...

Since I set my phone down, I've started taking the time to look myself in the eye there in the bathroom mirror, and telling myself that it's okay not to go with the latest rage in social media, and spend all my time there, as I'm prone to do, because I'm loving myself enough to take care of me.

I'm taking care of myself. And for me, that's huge in ways you can't imagine. Of course, it means I spend less time trolling Facebook and Twitter, but you know.. I have an appointment with myself every day to get there, post something, catch up on what friends and family are doing, and let them know I'm thinking about them.

It's okay to let go some. And it's okay to love yourself enough to leave the phone in your purse and really enjoy the fresh air while you walk around the neighborhood. And it's really okay to make some face-to-face connections while you're doing it!

Is your life really better because of the phone?

There's a time and a place for the phone; I absolutely agree. It's nice to have it with me when I'm out and about. But that's not the same as being a slave to it! For a long, long time, I really stressed about how I'd manage my life if my phone died or broke (it finally did, and I'm still here, hallelujah).

I had my schedule on it, reminders of appointments and to-do lists. My email for 3 different accounts and 2 businesses came to it, all in one handy little spot so I didn't have to log in and out of each several times a day to check it.

It was great for keeping track of my budget, my family, my Facebook, my friends... my... life.

But it was also a huge distraction for me. And I learned that I could life just fine (maybe even more productively and more happily) without it. I have less drama in my life, because I no longer spend hours on social media stressing about what is going on with this friend or upset about what that family member said about my post.

I can breathe again.

Stop and Connect.

It doesn't mean I no longer spend any time on social media. I'm there two or three times a day, for 15-30 minutes at a time. That's still a pretty significant block of time! And it's just long enough to look for the significant news, touch base with friends, get some content out for the businesses and have a great laugh.

What it does mean, is that when I'm spending time with my hubby, I'm not distracted by someone's funny photo. I'm not asking my daughter to wait with her math question because I want to finish writing a snarky reply to someone's meme that offends me (I do ask her to wait a moment sometimes when I'm writing and need to finish a thought before it flies off, but I give her the same courtesy when she's busy with Minecraft or school work, too).

Thanks to my phone dying, I'm learning to really stop and connect with those around me.

My computer is still a distraction, and I'm not perfect, but I'm no longer splitting my attention between phone and computer, either.

Are you spending your time in line with what you value?

So.. what do you value? I sat down one day, and challenged myself to figure out what was really important to me, and what I valued, and discovered that I was spending almost no time on the stuff I value! I was spending--no, wasting-- time on stuff that, in the end, means little to nothing in the grand scheme of things.

What do you value, anyway? When the end comes for you, as it will for us all, will you look back and see all the stuff that you didn't get done, and wish you'd had more time for it? Take 5 minutes (the minimum length of time you'd spend distracted by cute kitten videos) and write down the things that are meaningful to you. Do you value your health, your creativity? How about being available for your kids and teaching them how to live a meaningful and productive life? Or maybe you value community and humor--both are great support systems for healthy living, by the way.

I dare you to...

Now that you know what you value (and you can add to this list, subtract from it, as you go), can you trim some of your phone face-time and set it aside to use those moments to do something that supports the values in your life?

If you can't get away for a media free vacation, take 4 minutes and enjoy this gorgeous video of Yosemite National Park from the folks at Greater Good Science Center. Let yourself fully focus and absorb the incredible beauty of nature.

If you have a few more minutes you can kill... Hop over to Youtube and check out one of my all-time favorite videos. It's a parody of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody, and everyone in our house cracks up for hours after we watch it.