Be really, really, really careful what you ask the Universe for. You might just get it!
There is this place... where your soul just breaks, and begs for you to stop and think for a bit...
I'm there now. In this moment. Utterly overwhelmed. So I'm taking a little break from the blog to gather myself, my thoughts, my soul, back into a single track and figure out what the next step ought to be.
Something deep inside me broke open last autumn, about 8 or 9 months ago, I guess. I sank into this depression, chronic health issues flared up and left me pretty much bed-bound, exhausted by doing the most basic of tasks; even eating became an absolute chore. And one day, laying in bed, listening to the hum of life in my home going on without me, I realized that I was soul-sick. What was happening in my body was a mirror of what was happening in my heart and soul. I was exhausted from doing nothing with my soul's purpose.
I didn't even know what my soul's purpose was.
It took me a week to find the courage to ask my husband for some regularly scheduled alone time. I didn't know exactly what I was going to do with those couple hours, twice a month, but I knew I needed to develop something that nourished my heart and soul.
It took me another 6 weeks to figure out what my heart and soul needed, and I came to the realization that I was reaching a bend in the road of my life. I realized that I had a purpose in this life, though at that moment, I wasn't entirely sure what that was. And I made the commitment, out loud, to the Universe, to find and live that commitment.
Remember how we started here? Be careful what you ask for?
I asked the Universe to help me find my purpose. And I got the answer in spades! Over the next few weeks, the signposts that appeared in my life were so obvious, a blind man could have seen them. And only the truly daring would have ignored them. I followed, my energy and excitement building with every step of the way, until I reached a nearly fevered pitch...
But it wasn't exactly healthy...
My mind was going in 100 directions at once.. the ideas were flowing fast and furious, sliding into spaces that weren't meant to be filled, I think. I stopped sleeping... Food didn't interest me again... I was in a constant state of brainstorming and planning, and trying to execute 100 ideas at once.
Be careful what you wish for...
I had carefully crafted this vision of what I wanted my life to look like. What did I truly want? I outlined, wrote, recorded, and set forth my intentions, but without any real timeline for these things to happen. I was somehow under the impression that I could do it all, and do it all at one time! (You'd think that after suffering a severe burnout from stress several years ago, which destroyed my health, I'd learn--but no. I'm a bit hard-headed that way.)
I got what I asked for. All at one time...
I couldn't do it all. I can't do it all. I am still, no matter what I might tell myself, just one person, with only 24 hours in the day. I have some pretty serious priorities and commitments in my life that precede my choices back at the end of 2015, and those haven't wavered one bit. And to be honest.. all these great ideas that came flooding to me.. they just weren't sitting well in my heart. There were parts that just didn't feel like they fit in this great plan of mine.
Hello, Intuition!
Of all the things I've undertaken this year, I've started my Reiki level 1 training, and received my first attunement a few days ago. I'd set the intention to spend a few weeks taking care of myself and being extra compassionate towards myself during this period, but before the "big day" of the appointment with my teacher, I was breaking down. I couldn't focus on anything. At all. Nothing. It wasn't happening.
I couldn't write. I couldn't think. I couldn't even focus enough to read a book (oh, the horror! I can live without food, but I can't live without books!). I'd get so lost in aimless thoughts that I'd forget I had dinner sitting in front of me. I'd shut down completely.
So, dear friends.. please forgive my quietness for a few weeks.
I've come to a place where I need to regather my wayward thoughts, reset some intentions (for this blog, my business, and my life, both material and spiritual) and find my feet again, so that I can once more fly among the proverbial stars that make up the path I am meant to be on.
It is my sincere hope that in taking this break, I can better serve my readers and my clients, and help those that are meant to connect with and through me do just that.
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