Of Bucket Lists and Travel - Day 29

After a short break thanks to a migraine, I'm back and ready to swing through the home stretch of this blog challenge. I've done the top of my bucket list already, so let's talk travel and where I've been.

I haven't done much travel.

At least, not the kind of travel that is anything to write home about. The list of places I want to go is longer now than when I was a teenager with all kinds of bright hopes of seeing the world.

I've been to Mexico. Nowhere fancy, Tecate and Nogales; border towns that don't have much to offer except shopping and lots of dirt. I visited Tecate way back in high school for a church youth missions trip, where we helped build some new housing at a local orphanage. I was struck by two things: How little the locals had, and how content they seemed to be with what they had.

Nogales on the other hand, is totally a border and market town. Thousands of people stream in and out of Nogales daily, on foot and in cars. Americans go to buy pottery and medicines, Mexicans come through, looking for trade and work.

I grew up in central California, so I've been all over that state: Yosemite, Big Trees, Monterey, San Diego, San Francisco, all the touristy places. My all time favorite though, if I absolutely must be in California (no offense to those in Cali, but it's not a place I like to visit, for personal reasons, nothing to do with your state, I promise), I prefer to go to Morrow Bay. Just, lots and lots of happy memories of that place.

I've also been to Missouri, South Carolina, Minnesota (does it count if you were too young to remember it?), Kansas, the Dakotas, Idaho, Oregon, Utah, Arizona and Washington. I've lived in the latter two, and feel so very much at home in Washington. Especially here by the ocean, I have never, ever felt like "home" the way I do in our little seaside town.

Feeling my way though this blog post, I'm thinking that I'm not much of a travel writer, though if you were to ask me specific questions about places I would recommend here in Washington to visit, I could probably talk your ear off. I've lived in Washington twice, and I think that they'd have to pry my cold, dead body over the state line if anyone told me that I needed to move somewhere else, This is my home. And here I will stay.

Until next time, Live large, Love much, Laugh often.

Want to read all the posts in the series so far? You can hop over to the Intro to start from the beginning. If you're enjoying this series, please feel free to use it on your own blog. I just ask that you blog ethically and cite your sources, and maybe hop over to my Facebookpage and let me know, so that we can all follow along! Have a great day, everyone!

The Last Time I Cried & What I'm Looking Forward To - Day 28

Whoa... two topics that I either haven't written about, or that I can stand to write about again. How about that? Totally unexpected for this late in the series, but these two are intertwined for me at the moment, so here goes: 

I cried last night. 

Not a little, either. Last night, really hit me hard. I killed someone. Two people, actually, and it broke my heart to do it, even though I knew it was coming. 

Well, now that I have your attention, I suppose I should probably explain myself a little better. These two people? They only exist in my computer. They are, well were, characters in a book I'm writing. One was expected, she was old, and needed to die to make room for the things that push my protagonist to move forward toward her destiny. I expected her to die. I planned for her to die. And yet, it totally caught me off guard how deeply affected I was by her death. The second character that died was nameless, faceless, and she may get revived in the revision of the story. I wasn't happy with how that scene came out in the drafting, so who knows. That's the beauty of being a writer: You can make those changes. Usually. 

I've been trying to honor my commitment to writing for 1 hour a day. Every day.

I'm doing the NaNoWriMo challenge in November, and since I have two solid story ideas, I figured I'd use one to get into the habit of writing, and start finding what does and what does not work for me when it comes to writing. I'm reverse engineering this particular story; rather than developing the characters and setting and all that before drafting, I'm drafting the story, and going back and making notes about my main characters as I go. It's not easy work doing it this way, but I only have about 6 weeks left to get this drafted before my focus fully gets turned to the book I am writing for NaNo. That book is getting done in the "proper" way: I'm developing characters and settings and plots and archetypes before writing. 

Now, there's really no wrong way to write a book, I'm told, other than to not write the book that's in your head. Give yourself permission to write badly, just to get the idea down on paper. You can always go back and edit later. And you won't have anything to edit if you don't write in the first place.

So, this idea of writing badly, led to my tears last night. 

I spent 1 hour writing, probably looking a bit like a mad woman, pounding away at my keys, moving music into playlists as I went (I like to write to music, so I'm building playlists for the writing of both these books), and knocked out about 2,000 words in that 60 minutes. I have my work single spaced, so that comes out roughly to 5 pages of text. I think, just based on how I felt after writing it, that about half of that will get cut in the revision process. But I wrote. I honored my need to write, and did it.

Nothing sucks for a new writer nearly as much as spending an hour writing crap and killing off a loved character all in one night. I had to cry. I needed to purge the crappy feeling. I cried on my writing buddy's shoulder and gave myself permission to let it go. Tonight, I'll write again, and keep my protagonist moving towards her destiny. I'll work on my characters for the NaNo Book, and start shifting my focus just a bit towards their story.

Which brings me to what I'm looking forward to.

I'm looking forward to NaNo. I'm looking forward to write-ins with my buddy at her place in SecondLife. I'm looking forward to holding a finished manuscript in my hands; a story that I pulled out of my head and gave life to on paper.

That said, I'm also a little scared of it. My writing buddy and mentor, Allie McCormack, has encouraged me to submit my NaNo book for a competition that takes place in the months immediately after NaNo, which means getting that book revised, edited and ready for public consumption in just under 5 weeks (throw Christmas holidays in there, too, just for kicks and giggles). 

Her faith in me scares the hell out of me. My husband totally supports this idea. 

But Allie is right: It's motivation. If I commit to it, and pay to enter, then I have a really big reason to see it through. Even if I don't win, my book has been put out there, and that's not something I've ever done.

This whole year has been full of stuff I never thought I could actually do. I never thought I could get my craft business off the ground, and here I am, setting up an online store. 

I never thought I would find a good Reiki teacher that I could afford, and yet, today, I received my Reiki First Degree certification from my Reiki master/teacher, Elle North.

I never, ever thought I would see my dream of owning a bookstore materialize, and yet... Our online shop is open and doing business, with plans coming together for a physical store-front in the next 2 years.

I started this year out with a bunch of dreams that felt like a really far reach. And yet, here I am, standing near the end of the year with so much coming together that it drives me to tears sometimes. 

I don't think we would ever have been given the gift of dreaming, if our dreams were out of reach. So dream big, darling. Dream Big.

Oh, and if you are curious about this NaNoWriMo thing, check it out. If you're brave enough to write 50,000 words in a month, sign up, and grab me as your first writing buddy (JennBradshaw is my user name). If you're curious, but not sure you're ready this year, join me on my Sage Wolfsong Creations Facebook page, and let me know you want to be my cheerleader. I'd love to have you! If you happen to be in SecondLife, look up our NaNoWriMo Obsession group, and join us for write-ins, sharing, feedback and mutual cheering on. 

If you're enjoying this series, please hop over to Facebook and let me know! Or, you know, you could just drop a comment below. If you've missed any posts, you can skip back to the Intro and read from there.

Are you a blogger that's flailing for content and need a little break from your normal topics? Or perhaps you're just getting started, and would like to populate your blog with some great posts that help readers get to know you? Feel free to snag this challenge and run with it. Just... do so ethically, please. Cite your sources, And then, pop over to that Facebook page and let us all know you're doing the challenge so we can follow you, too!

What Makes me Feel Better/Favorite Recipe - Day 27

Okay..  yes, yes. I know. I skipped day 26. Well, it was another day of duplicates: My 5 Favorite Blogs and an Old Photo of Me. Been there, done that, not that long ago, so... I've linked to them if you missed those, and am moving on to day 27, which includes what makes me feel better always and my favorite recipe.

So, let's tackle topic #1: What always makes me feel better?

In a single word?

Walking. Walking is my go-to cure for boredom, depression, fatigue, writer's block, and general spiritual uplifting.

But for those that haven't been following me for a while: This year has been painfully tough on me in this area. I developed problems with my feet (we still don't fully know what's happening) that make walking really, really difficult. I might be enjoying a wonderful walk to the beach, and my heels will suddenly lock up and feel like someone has stuck a knife in the back of my foot. Both feet, often.

I've been doing physical therapy all summer, and have made tremendous progress, but it's been 3 steps forward, 2 steps back all the way. A few weeks ago, we were looking at discharge from PT, because I was doing so well. That same visit, the tendons in one ankle went kaput, swelled up, stopped working and I was in OMG-I'm-dying pain.

Thanks to some great, quick action by my therapist and his assistant, I was able to hobble home (we don't have a car, and the bus system out here isn't the most reliable, not to mention that the therapist's office is only a few blocks from our place), ice it some more, and take a little something for pain.

It's been about three weeks now since that, and I still haven't been able to walk much further than the post office, but I'm getting there. And that's what really matters to me. I can still get out and walk a bit every day, which clears my head for writing and creating. Hopefully, I'll soon be able to get to the beach so I can sit down there and write, or at least record thoughts and scenes for the books I'm working on.

So... ya'll want a recipe that I absolutely love, huh?

Cheese biscuits.

I know, that sounds deceptively simple, but this is my go-to comfort food. Easy to make, and it brings back memories of Grandma's kitchen, as she used to make this when she just wasn't up to cooking.

Grab a pie pan, 2 cans of ready-made biscuits, and a cup of grated cheese. 

Preheat your oven to 375, and grease the pie pan. Open your cans of biscuits and lay them in the pan, overlapping slightly in a ring, with the left-over 3 or 4 in an overlapped clover pattern in the center. Cover with cheese, and pop it in the oven for about 25 minutes.

They come out super yummy, easily come apart and are great with or without butter. We've also slipped pepperoni slices in between the biscuits and added a little garlic salt to the top of the cheese for a pizza-type thing, but that's entirely optional.

That's it for today. 

If you're enjoying this series, please hop over to Facebook and let me know! Or, you know, you could just drop a comment below. If you've missed any posts, you can skip back to the Intro and read from there.

Are you a blogger that's flailing for content and need a little break from your normal topics? Or perhaps you're just getting started, and would like to populate your blog with some great posts that help readers get to know you? Feel free to snag this challenge and run with it. Just... do so ethically, please. Cite your sources, And then, pop over to that Facebook page and let us all know you're doing the challenge so we can follow you, too!

Favorite Music & Best Things: Blog Challenge Day 22

In the home stretch, almost ready to sprint for the finish! Today, we're talking my 10 favorite songs and the Best Thing to Happen This Year. I love it when things are all rainbows and sparklies!

I love music.

Seriously love music. Have been having a lusty affair with it since I can remember, thanks to my mom and her love of music.

So, get your Amazon music, your Pandora, your Spotify, your iTunes.. whatever floats your boat, and check out these favorite songs. I've given links to Amazon's digital music for each song. [disclaimer: my favorite music changes regularly, so these are as of this writing. What I'm listening to in a month or a year could be very, very different.]

1. Firebirds Child by S.J. Tucker
2. Mo Ghile Maer by Celtic Woman
3. Pocketful of Sunshine by Natasha Bedingfield
4. Pachelbel's Canon in D
5. The Mummer's Dance by Loreena McKennit
6. The Mystic's Dream by Loreena McKennit
7. Let It Go from the movie Frozen
8. Now We Are Free from the movie Gladiator
9. With or Without You by U2
10. Doum Doum by Carmine T. Guida


Yeah... that right there makes for a really interesting playlist, I know. But honestly? I don't usually throw them all together in one lump. But whenever I get a new music subscription, these are the songs that make it into my collection right off the bat. Favorites. All time.

Best thing to happen to me this year?

I'd have to say that the best thing to happen to me this year was all the crap I went through at the end of last year.

Heartbreak. Multiple times over.

Depression. Crippling. Debilitating. Not getting out of bed for days at a time. Not eating for no other reason than because absolutely nothing sound interesting enough to eat.

Saved on groceries in November and December, and I lost several pounds. But I also felt like crap all the damn time. So... Not such a great thing on the surface.

However, that dark time in my life led me to where I am right now.

All those hours in bed, I laid there and asked myself over and over and over: What is it that I want out of life, cause what I'm living isn't really living, and it doesn't feel good.

I asked until the answer felt right and felt complete. I wanted more time with my family. I wanted energy to get out and do stuff. I wanted to put myself out there creatively and send more out into the world. I wanted that financial security that I've been missing since I left my J.O.B.

And when January rolled around, I knew what I wanted out of the year. I've been working diligently towards that every day since. Even on the days I deem "off" days, or "vacation" days, I'm still working towards that, because taking care of me was part of that vision. My family and my business can't support me if I'm not taking care of me first.

The very best thing that's happened to me this year, was the depression that happened at the end of last year. Delusional? Maybe. Did I find a silver lining for the crappy dark clouds that filled my life the last two months of 2015? Absolutely.

If you ask me, it's the best damn thing to happen to me this year. The rest? It's all ingredients in the cake that I started making back in 2015. I'll put the icing on this baby in January of next year. Indeed.

Are you enjoying this series? If you'd like to read it all from the beginning, you can hop over to the Intro and read from there. If you have your own blog, and would like to use this challenge to get yourself rolling, or just take a break from whatever you regularly write about, please... by all means... use it! I just ask that you practice ethical blogging and credit your sources. And hop over to my Facebook page and let me know that you're doing the challenge yourself, so that I (and those on my page) can support and follow your writing!

Until next time: Live Large, Lovelies! Muah!

Blog Challenge - Day 19 - Bad Habits and Collections

Rolling into the home stretch, we're talking about my worst habits and what I collect today (isn't it nice to have a day where I'm not repeating myself?).

My worst habits...

I've got a few bad ones, namely carbohydrates and computer games. I would say reading, but we're talking bad habits, not just habits (and I can justify reading until the cows come home, mamma...), so that's not one.

Carbs... are my frienemy. I love 'em, I hate 'em, they're horrible for me, but I can't live without 'em. Not like my Type I diabetic husband can't live without 'em... You know how some people are super grumps before their coffee in the morning? That's me on a long term low carb diet. I'm Super Grump. Mind you, I used to be hung up on coffee and caffeine in general. My family, and anyone that worked with me knew, you just don't talk to Jenn before 8 a.m., when she's had that first cup of go-juice.

I kicked the caffeine habit.

Truly! I weaned myself off caffeine in steps. I might have soda now and then, but I've discovered that the only soda I really like is diet Dr. Pepper, and even that is just kinda meh... So I go with diet Squirt now if I'm going to have soda. I might do iced tea, but again, meh. Black tea gives me migraines, so I avoid that altogether, and most commercial green and white teas are heavily sugared, which leave a nasty taste in my mouth.

Get this: I am so not saying you shouldn't drink soda!

Really, if it floats your boat, drink it! Not to excess (like anything else, too much is seriously bad for you), of course, but feel free to enjoy it if you do in fact enjoy it. I just feel better without it.

Now, carbs are another monkey entirely, and I have tried... oh lord I have tried!.. to kick the carb habit. I've done Atkins, I've done my doc's low carb plan (no flour, oatmeal, rice, potato or corn anything). And I've lost lots of weight and felt pretty good for a while on those plans. However. Just like some people need coffee to be human, I need carbs. At least of the cookie/pie/cake variety. At least once in a while.

I've come to terms with my need for these carbs, and truly, I don't have them nearly as often as I used to. But I do love my carbs. Period. End of conversation. [much to my doctor's disgust, but my needing carbs hasn't killed either of us just yet.]

Computer games, namely of the social media variety are Worst Habit #2:

I like to veg out between projects, as a kind of way to wipe the slate clean and shift gears from one headspace into another (like between blogging and housework or between housework and building in Second Life). Problem is, vegging out for 5 minutes becomes vegging out for 2 hours. I'm just as bad on Facebook as I am with games. If I start scrolling through my feed, I'm gone for too long, and then look at the clock with an "Oh, crap, is that really the time?"

I can walk away from these games, but I always end up coming back to them. Maybe someday I'll kick it, but not today.

Collections... Do I even collect anything anymore?

About 2 1/2 years ago, we moved from a 3 bedroom house into a 700 sq. foot apartment. Big shift, huh? I used to collect all kinds of things, from Bella Sera trading cards to books, horse figurines, crystals (well, I think I got more into the crystals after the move), board games, stuffed animals, books, movies, pens, bookmarks...Did I mention I collect books?

I know that sounds like a lot of collections. I'm a pack rat in some ways, but nowhere near needing publicly televised intervention.

Moving into a smaller space meant cutting my collections way, way down to the absolute bare minimum. The books, I've taken 2 years to really thin through them, and now we sell used books on Amazon as a way to make my first love and hobby pay for itself (and for our daughter's home school materials). Truly, having three bibliophiles in the house can be a bit of a space problem, but we're working it out slowly.

The other collections have been thinned through, too. I've gotten rid of just about anything that didn't hold serious sentimental value for me (it's okay, Mom, I still have the figurines that you and Grandma gave me. I haven't managed to get clear enough to get rid of those). Some of the collections are boxed and will go to my kids at some point, others are carefully displayed around our little living room, like my figurines, shells and crystals.

But this collecting thing... In a tiny living space, I've had to come to terms with less space, and I spend more carefully than I ever have before. Where I might have, once upon a time, said "Oh, I want. Must have. Because, Cool!" I now sit back and say "Do I really love it? Or is it just totally cool and would better serve someone with the space for it?"

Letting go feels so good sometimes!

How about you? What are your worst habits? What do you collect?

Are you enjoying the series? Want to read it from the beginning? Hop over to the Intro, and go from there. You can also snag my sources from there if you're wanting to do this challenge yourself on your own blog (just be ethical and cite your sources!). Then hop over to my Facebook page, and let me know that you're doing the challenge, too, so I can learn all about you, too!

Until next time, lovelies, Live Large! Muah!

Blog Challenge Day 17: My Most Proud Moment and Favorite Childhood Book

Since yesterday's post was so long, today's will be a bit quicker. On the list I posted back in my Intro for this challenge, Day 17 is "My Most Proud Moment" but I've already done that one, so we'll move on to "My Favorite Childhood Book" instead of repeating.

Let's just cut to the chase here:

I've been having a love affair with books since I was really young. Like, 2 and 3  years old young. Like, before I can remember, young.

I remember reading my mom's nursing textbooks at 6.

I remember memorizing This is the House that Jack Built.

Our neighbors gave us copies of old Dick and Jane books to go with the ones my mom let me read from her childhood.

But my all-time, bestest favoritest read-it-to-me-again and again and again and again book?

The Pokey Little Puppy


There was just something about this crazy little dog that couldn't keep his nose out of trouble that fascinated me. And his mommy wouldn't let him have dessert when he wasn't very good, either. Totally empathized with his plight right there!

My copy ended up going to my little brother and sister years and years ago, but I still love his round little face and am so thrilled that this book is still in print. I'll have to add it to my collection for the grandkids we're sure to have someday (did I mention we have 6 kids between my husband and I? Pretty sure our odds of having grandkids aren't too bad).

It's been happily ever after for me and my love affair with books ever since.

Anyway... thank you for joining me on another little peek into my life. If you're enjoying the series, head over to my Facebook page and let me know, or just comment below!

If you'd like to start from the beginning, you can find the Intro here.

Are you a blogger, just starting a blog, or maybe just wanting to do something different for a while, and you'd like to use this challenge as well? Awesome-sauce! Please feel free to use this challenge for your own blog, but do so ethically. Give credit to your sources (whichever list you decide to go with.. I goofed and ended up with two lists by mistake), and then hop over to my Facebook page and let me know that you're doing this challenge, too, so we can all follow along!

Until next time; live large, lovelies!

Blog Challenge, Day 15 - My Average Day

Phew! We're almost halfway home on this journey, and today, the lists merge into one neat little topic. One list calls for "A Timeline of my Day" while the other calls for "My Average Day". I can roll these into one less confusing headline, so here we go!

.

I'm a writer, student and homeschooling mom with a few chronic health issues that can leave me sidelined for days if I'm not careful; therefore, I try to maintain a bit of a routine to keep me on my feet and not too worn out. Our day around here, looks something like this:

7 a.m. - hit the snooze on the alarm until...
7:15 - crawl out of bed, dress, wash up, put on my make up, stumble my way to the kitchen for a cup of tea
7:45 - read, sip tea, eat breakfast (currently, I'm reading "Women Who Run with the Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D.
8:30 - Get daughter up and moving, check email, social media, to do list for the day
9:00 - start school, help with foreign language, grammar, creative writing, science and math while I write and/or do my own homework
12:00 p.m. - grab something for lunch, go for a quick walk to check the mailbox and library, swing by grocery store to pick up dinner if necessary.
2:00 - Hand off daughter's schooling to hubby, do my meditation and spiritual growth time - this is my time for doing my japa mala, work on my intuition course, and any other soul-related courses I'm working on. On a rough day, this becomes my nap time, and everything else gets adjusted accordingly.
4:00 - Writing time - Knock out a few pages of writing, blog post, content creation
5:00 - Make and eat dinner
6:00 - Creative time - This is either time to continue writing, crochet while we watch TV, or go on Second Life and do some building for the store there.
8:30 - Start to wind down. Have a cup of tea, read, play computer games, generally start to shut my brain down, if I can at all help it.
10 p.m. - Bedtime - clean up, crawl into bed, listen to music and maybe read until I fall asleep.

Lather.
Rinse.
Repeat.

Right now, I've got some deviations throughout the week for medical appointments, travel, and generally getting caught up on some projects that I'm working on. Otherwise, this is pretty much how I spend my day. Fun, huh?

Up next, My Dream Job and The Top of my Bucket List. And of course, if you'd like to use this blog challenge, go for it! I just ask that you credit your sources (like any wonderfully ethical blogger would do), and then hop over to my Facebook page to let us know that you're doing this too, so we can follow you! Want to read the whole series from the beginning? Hop on over here to start with the intro and read from there.

Blog Challenge Day 11 - 15 of my Favorite Things and My Most Proud Moment

I'm humming a piece from The Sound of Music as I write this morning. Here we go...

Let's start with 15 of my favorite things.

1. Pizza - crusty, lots of meat and gooey cheese. Perfecto.

2. My meditation time - Spending that quiet time slowly moving over my mala beads is one of the highlights of my day
3. Walking on the beach - We live a little over a mile from the Pacific Ocean, and we try to walk there at least once a week for a breather. The dog gets to run around, chase seagulls, splash in the water, the kiddo gets to do kind of the same thing (minus splashing in the water - puppy paws dry faster than human shoes and socks). And Hubby and I get to walk quietly along the shoreline and soak up all that fabulous energy from the waves and salt water.
4. Writing - I love writing. I'm a storyteller at heart, and writing is my medicine.
5. Baking - I've got a sweet tooth, and sometimes, the chemical taste of store-bought sweets just annoys me.
6. Daydreaming - Some days just beg to have me sit on the bed, close my eyes and drift off into some other space and time.
7. Being in the woods - We're blessed that we not only have ocean beach, but some gorgeous woods that are available for hiking. There is something blessedly restorative about walking among the trees and all their old, hanging Spanish moss.
8. Creating - I love crocheting, painting, writing, drawing, cooking, baking, dreaming...
9. Music - Almost always on in our house. Classical, jazz, meditation, pop, instrumental, Celtic, rap, bagpipes... Tunes are on. Or they're playing in my head. I love making playlists that I can use to set various moods. I'm working through a 40-day Saraswati course with Elle North, and one of our challenges was to create a playlist that inspired traits of this Hindu goddess of creativity, knowledge and order. I did mine on Youtube so that I could share it with the class. You can go check it out here.
10. Books - Anyone who knows me knows that there is rarely a moment when a book is out of my reach. They are a portal to the thoughts and stories of another person. Captured moments in time for anyone to pick up and savor.
11. Horses - There is something about watching a horse move across the landscape that absolutely takes my breath away. I could sit and watch them all day (oh, yeah.. I have done this! In person, and on Youtube). I used to spend hours grooming the horses in a nearby field (after getting the landowner's permission)... There is a gentle rhythm to brushing, stroking, and loving on a horse and being in their accepting presence that is a balm to the soul.
12. Wolves - Again with the beauty and grace thing. My totem animal. Keeper of my spirit. Something quiet and powerful goes through me when they call to each other.
13. Crystals - I love me 'dem sparklies! I have a box of crystals that I play with from time to time, and my favs are out on my altar space. Amethyst, selenite, quartz...
14. The library - Ours is nothing short of amazing. Free college courses, tons of books, documentaries, magazines, music, movies, tv shows... And an amazing team of librarians that knows us by name, and can make recommendations for our daughter.
15. My bed - There is nothing quite as wonderful as falling into bed and dropping off to sleep. We've got this awesome scroll work iron bed that was given to us from my mom, and the coverlet is hand crocheted by me. Somehow, that blanket can be either cool enough for the summer, or warm enough for our mild winter nights, with a little help from an extra blanket thrown over our feet. Sleep well!

These are a few of my favorite things...

There are moments in life that take your breath away, some that make you hang your head in shame, and others that make you glow with pride.

The moment I felt the most proud was...

My husband and I have been sweethearts off and on since we were in high school. Now, he's three years older than I am, so he graduated the year we met, and headed off to Army boot camp the day before my 15th birthday. I had a few years to go, but we traded letters and saw each other whenever he was home until I graduated. For those not young enough to remember a time when email wasn't everywhere, and not everyone had a computer, we hand wrote letters (my sincere apologies to my English Lit teacher in high school-I was actually practicing my grammar and syntax skills on my boyfriend in your class), pages and pages and pages of letters went back and forth between us for three years.

Things happen, as they do, and we parted ways after I graduated. Went from nearly engaged to zilch in one phone call - all because we didn't simply talk about the assumptions that each of us was holding.

Nine years went by.

Things happened.

And through a series of little synchronicities, we ended up talking, and eventually got back together. In time, we married... and that... THAT moment, when I got to say "I Do" to the love of my life, was a moment that will always hold pride-of-place for the "Most Proud" moment. It was a moment I'd been waiting for most of my life, and one I'll never regret. Very few people get a first shot at real love. We were blessed to get a second chance at it. Needless to say, we didn't screw it up this time. Yes, there have been exceedingly painful moments in the 11 years since we said our vows, but we've stuck it out, worked it out, torn down the old to make room for the new, the more stable, the stronger versions of us, and we're committed to doing so for the remainder of our lives.

Enjoying this series? Do your own blog challenge! You can grab my sources and the list of topics on my intro blog post, then let me know you're doing one, too, so I can read along and share your challenge on my Facebook page. Enjoy!

31 Day Blogger Challenge - Day 9 - Worst Habits and Piercings and Tattoos

Day 9 has arrived.

I will get through this challenge if it takes the rest of my life. 

Okay. So maybe I'm being slightly dramatic here. It just feels like it's taking my whole freaking life to get through this challenge. This summer has been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs, craziness and utter fatigue, but I'm pushing on. I need to write, need to honor my need to write and create. So here I am, faithfully sitting at my keyboard, tapping out my story, my medicine and dedicating a few minutes of my day to putting my story out there into the Universe.

Today was one of those Holy-Crap-Wow kind of days, as I work my way through Elle North's Wisdom Within School of Intuition, her 40 Day Journey with Saraswati course, and the opening of the Enter the Temple with Sora Surya No. After a morning of meditation, intuition work and visualization.. I desperately needed to get out for a walk and do a little grounding before I came back to work on writing for a bit, lest I end up very woo-woo and not making any sense.

Anyway, that's where I'm at mentally this afternoon, so let's get back to this slow building of a long description of the writer of this blog. Today, we're talking piercings, ink and my worst habits. Here goes some real truth telling:

Piercings and tattoos:

This part will be short. I have no ink (though I have it on my bucket list to eventually get some tattoos, I have them designed in my mind, but haven't had money or guts to sit for the work yet). I used to have my ears pierced; the normal single piercings in my earlobes, and when I was super-brave and 20, I got a cartilage piercing in the top of my left ear. That was a doomed piercing, as it quickly got infected, swollen, and my husband had to use pliers to get hold of the pieces of the piercing stud to pull them apart so we could remove the stud. It eventually healed over, but still bothers me from time to time, 20 years later. the single holes in my ear lobes have long since healed over, as well, as I'm terrible about remembering to wear jewelry. It's not really my thing, though I love my crystal necklaces and bracelets. Earrings? Not for me.

My worst habits:

Ah yes. Let me take a moment to put my inner critic in her corner, so that I can do this without completely destroying myself with judgments.

I'm a horrible grammar nazi. I have literally stopped reading news articles that were badly written. I will put down a book and quit reading it (a chore of epic proportions for me) if the author, editor, line editor and publisher couldn't be bothered to review the work for spelling and grammar. I pick apart my own work mercilessly, and pray that when I do publish something, I've caught all the errors. Sadly, I've taught this habit of carefully constructing sentences and paragraphs to my 11 year old daughter, who will, without hesitation, correct her dad's grammar.

I also have a tendency to feel a person more than listen to them. As an empath, I can feel what others are feeling and thinking, sometimes even pick up on the emotions they themselves aren't entirely aware of (which sucks when you know that someone isn't being honest with you, and they are smiling at you as they stretch the truth further and further, or you know that they really don't want to talk to you). This has left me in a very introverted, very withdrawn place in my life, because frankly, I'm pretty good company for myself, and I'm not left wondering what I did wrong when the other half of the conversation is obviously not interested in talking. I'm working on "bubbling" myself to block some of this information, but it's not always possible, or I simply forget to do so.

And then there's my terrible carb habit. My doctor would love for me to give up all flour, rice, oatmeal, potatoes, and corn. But let's be honest here: I love my bread. Maybe a little less than I used to. And I'm slowly letting it go. I've learned that I truly don't like potatoes, except in the occasional cup of clam chowder or baked potato soup. I can't stand rice. Corn is something else I can pass on, unless it's on the cob. Corn syrup is in practically everything, though.. and it's more exhausting than I have energy for to read every label sometimes. My doctor would love for me to live on salad and veggies with chicken once in a while, but that's not me. Not who I am. And I know. I've tried. Good grief, how I tried to eat that way. I felt really great for a while. But after a couple of months, I couldn't handle the cravings, and had zero energy. That was weird. I was eating about as healthy and ideal as you could ask for, and I felt like crap. So... I've let go. I've put some weight back on, but I love cooking and eating again. I make oatmeal cookies sometimes (I'll be making cookies with my daughter after I make dinner tonight), I have bread less and less often. I love having fruit smoothies in the mornings. And I have small salads. I have to be careful with the salad, as I'm on medicine for blood clots, and that doesn't play well with the leafy greens I love. I take my eating one day at a time, and feed my body what it needs and wants, when it needs and wants.


Bonus:

Because this has turned into a bit of a downer post, let me throw in something less negative for you:

I love to tell stories. I'm a storyteller. Perhaps that is my Swedish, Irish, Scottish heritage breaking through. But story is healing for me. Telling them, weaving them, creating them, hearing them, reading them... They are a link to other realms, other realities, the mind and thoughts of another human being or culture.

I'm working my way into a devotional practice of writing down the stories that live in my head. I love these characters, these stories that exist within me. And I think that they love me back. You might think that's odd, but I believe this: writers birth the stories and characters that come to them. They may be fictional, but they are still living, breathing, sentient beings. Ask any writer. Most will tell you that at some point in their writing career, at least one character has done something that surprised the writer; made a choice, performed some act, said something that the author never saw coming, didn't plan for.

Story is living, breathing, sentient.

It finds the creator that it needs to bring it into the world, like a cosmic mid-wife, and then wends its way through the world to find the listener or reader that it needs to speak to, in order to birth some other idea or creation.

And this is where I am at. Who I am. I am that cosmic midwife for the stories that have found me, and ask me to bring them into the world. What the Universe decides to do with the stories after they leave my hands is beyond my control. My job is simply to bring them into being.

Enjoying this series? Head over here to check out the whole list of posts. Feel free to grab the list and run away with it for your own blog challenge (just please be ethical, and cite where you found it!), then let me know you're doing it, so we can all enjoy learning about you, too.

Blog Challenge - Day 8 - What's in my Handbag & An Old Photo of Me?

I ended up taking an unscheduled break from blogging (yet again) over the summer due to--well, due to craziness that was just unforeseen. Now that we've got the kiddo rolling on her learning schedule (aka: Homeschool), I'm getting some things I've been neglecting back on track, starting with the blog. Today, we're picking back up with day 8 of the challenges that I'm doing in tandem. We're cleaning out my purse, and digging up old photos of me.

So, let's get started!

Guess it's time to clean out the ol' purse today. It's time. I'm a mom, so I have a tendency to hoard napkins and receipts.

So, what's in my purse? Let's start by clarifying that I do not own a "handbag" (I promise mine never looks as neat as the photo you see!). Because we walk everywhere, or take a bus, I have a cross body purse that is nice and compact; the added benefit here is that I have to declutter it frequently 'cause it just ain't got the room for clutter, baby!

What's in the bag then? Let's see:

• Three library cards (yes, three!)
• Debit card
• State ID
• Insurance cards
• a small handful of my business cards
• a few business cards from new contacts
• a short pencil
• two receipts
• my keys
• doggie poop bags
• my physical therapy schedule for this month
• a pair of gloves
• some napkins, just in case (I did warn you... what can I say?)

And you want an old photo of moi? Umm... okay. I've warned you previously that I was Hermoine Granger before the world had met her. These are the only photos I dare share-I'd be the tall one in both photos, including the hideous magenta satin thing in the bottom photo. My mother made the dress in the top photo, and I honestly loved it, minus the insane LA August heat that I had to wear it in. She also made my younger sister's dresses in both photos. Quite the talented seamstress, she is.

If you'd like to read previous posts in this challenge, head on over to the blog's homepage here, and check 'em out! If you're having fun reading these, and you'd like to do this challenge on your own blog, let me know down in the comments. I'd love to check out your own responses to these questions!

Blog Challenge Day 7 - Pet Peeves and 10 Favorite Foods

Hmm... This one's going to annoy me and make me hungry, I can see that now.

So, what annoys me? What are my pet peeves?

My Grade A, #1, Numero Uno pet peeve is drama. I have enough of it in my life already. Get me stirred up and you've got a dragon on your hands. And I don't let it go easily. Start drama with me, and you'll probably find yourself flying out the proverbial back door pretty damn fast. So, just don't. No. Don't.

Whining and off-key singing are up there with drama, but not nearly to the degree of fire-breathing, dragon-inciting annoyance as the drama-mamas out there. Mostly, I'll just tell you to knock it off, then leave if you absolutely MUST do it... Ear buds are my friends.

Enough about that shiz... let's move on to tastier topics, shall we? 

My 10 Fav Foods? With Intuitive Eating, I'm finding that my tastes are changing, but here's the top ten list as of today:

1. Pizza - Especially with shrimp and pepperoni (thank you to my hubby who introduced me to this delight!). Okay.. Qualifying statement time: I love pizza of almost any kind. The cheesier the better, and the shrimp and pepperoni thing is a rare treat (almost no one makes it anymore, and popcorn shrimp is kinda pricey for our budget). I usually opt for a meat pizza, or Hawaiian is good... but shrimp and pepperoni makes my mouth water.
2. Chocolate ice cream, with chocolate sauce/brownie bits/peanut butter/goodies in it. Plain chocolate is a pass for me--I'd rather have it with bits of something in it. Nuts, not so much; but toss in some peanut butter cups, swirls of peanut butter or fudge, cookie dough, mint chips or brownie bites? YUM!
3. Corn dogs - Yes, this one's a little weird, I guess. I love corn dogs. I hate hot dogs, but I love the crunch of a good corn dog. My first pregnancy, this was one of the few foods I could eat without getting sick, and I still love them, 18 years later.
4. Cereal-Corn Pops, Cocopuffs, Chocolate Pebbles, Kashi, granola. Usually sweet cereals entice me more than plain "healthy" cereals, much to the detriment of my waist line in the past. Oh well! This stuff is yummy! And it makes for a quick meal when I'm distracted by creating and am too busy to cook, but still need to eat.
5. Cinnamon Rolls - The ooey-gooier the better! Hot, sticky, dripping with frosting. One'll do me to fix a craving, but oh the bliss while I'm fixing that craving! Follow it with a hot cup of tea and a brisk walk, and you've got a morning made in heaven for me.
   
6. Salad- Okay... when you're done getting treatment for that whiplash, or when you've finished picking your chin off the floor... Yes, I love salads. I have to be careful of the amount of the good, dark green, leafy stuff because of yet another health condition, but hey! I love a good bowl of crisp lettuce topped with some grape tomatoes, walnuts, a light coat of dressing, and maybe some tuna or mandarin oranges. Time for another salad, I think!
7. Oreo Cookie Milk Shakes - Oddly, not a fan of milk shakes in general, but these... The chunky kind from Jack in the Box... Mmmmm. I've made them at home, and almost have the mix down right, but these are a special treat when we go into town. 
8. Apples with nut butter - I have always liked my apples cut up into slices; even more when I have some peanut butter, almond butter or sunflower seed butter to dip them in. But recently, I discovered Apple Nachos, and made this the other night for dessert, and it became a hands-down favorite of the family. Warm peanut butter drizzled on thin-sliced apples, with a handful of dark chocolate chips on top. *drool*
9. Salami Sandwiches-My grandma used to make me salami sandwiches with Miracle Whip, and it was always this huge treat. Now, as an adult, I tried for years to replicate her technique, and never could, until I realized that, being married to a guy that didn't like Miracle Whip, plain mayo just isnt' the same. When I switched to Intuitive Eating, I treated myself to a small jar of Miracle Whip, and Viola! Taste matched, heart happy, mind sucked back into best memories. Nirvana reached.
10. Sourdough Bread-I grew up in the San Juaquin Valley in California, just a couple hours away from this tangy treat's home base. Sourdough was a staple with any soup we had, and to this day, I can easily get lost in a few slices of warm, buttered sourdough. I'm pretty sure I look odd, sniffing packages before I buy them, but that's the way to do it! Only fresh, and only if I can smell it. 

Hope today's post prompted some deep thinking of your own. See you again tomorrow for Day 8!

31 Day Blog Challenge - Day 5

Yummy... Day 5 gives me two topics I like to write about...

My guilty pleasure is...

I have a lot of them, yet I oddly don't feel all that guilty about many of them. Perhaps the only one I really do feel guilty about is my love of cereal. My tastes change regularly, but I love sugary cereal, within limits, and could eat it several times a day.

No, I'm really not supposed to eat cereal at all, according to my doctor, but after she cut yet another group of foods out of my rapidly dwindling list of "okay" foods, I finally decided I'd had enough. Yes, I lost 50 pounds eating the way she wanted me to. However, when my short list got shortened even more, I made the brave decision to find joy in food again. Oddly, I haven't gained any weight back, so maybe there's something to this.

Maybe my guilty pleasure is simply that I love food, and I love eating again. I'm learning to honor my hunger and my body's needs and wants, and I'm finding that I come full circle once again, and I'm craving more nutritious foods again, though now, it's from a place of "this is what I want to eat" not "this is all I'm allowed to eat." Funny how that makes all the difference.

What's my guiding principle now that I've quit dieting? Intuitive eating. I'm learning to listen to my body's hunger signals, stop when I'm full, and savor what I eat. Make a fist. That's really all the bigger your stomach is! Now, think of how much food you cram onto a dinner plate. Do you really think you're enjoying all that food? Do you walk away from the table feeling like a fattened calf?

I'll step off my soapbox, but will highly recommend this book (you can grab it on Amazon by clicking the link):

10 songs I love right now...

I picked 10 songs off my favorite playlist that I listen to every day while I'm writing or creating. They fuel me, give me some oomph to carry me on into my day, and move me forward. They are:

1. FIGHT SONG - RACHEL PLATTEN
2. FIGHTER - CHRISTINA AGUILERA
3. STRONGER - KELLY CLARKSON
4. LET IT GO - PENTATONIX
5. POCKETFUL OF SUNSHINE - NATASHA BEDINGFIELD
6. TEN THOUSAND HOURS - MACKLEMORE
7. BANG A DRUM - SELENA GOMEZ
8. UNSTOPPABLE - SIA
9. BEST DAY OF MY LIFE - AMERICAN AUTHORS
10. WE'RE TAKING OVER - BEA MILLER

The Music of my Life

Do you have a soundtrack for your life?

I do. It changes, of course, from year to year, sometimes from day to day. I have playlists in my music program that serve as soundtracks for certain kinds of days. Some days, it's dance music, the stuff that I just can't sit still for... I have to get up and dance for those soundtracks. Other days, it's more aggressive; that's my "Warrior" playlist. Don't mess with me those days, I'm likely swinging a metaphorical sword at the demons in my life and fighting big fights.

This past week, I've been taking big steps, and I had to create a new soundtrack for this phase in my life. I've been facing up to some nasty stuff, and owning my shit; tackling the big financial scary stuff, facing the emotions I try so hard not to deal with, taking responsibility for the energy and projects I take on, and learning to say "No" more often to the things that aren't in line with my values.

So "This is my Fight Song", "Let it Go", "Stronger"... these are the songs that surround the track that is my own reading of the essay I wrote about my perfect life.

Because listening to my own voice...

...defining my dreams inevitably (at this stage, anyway) prompts those old programs in my brain telling me that I don't deserve it, that I'm unworthy, reminding me of all those failures in my life, reminds me of all the debt that remains from earlier times when I was irresponsible with my finances. For that, I have to be in my boldest, most daring person, and for that, I need to be a fighter, have my fight songs and remind myself to let it go. I'm not that woman anymore. I'm bolder, stronger, more responsible, more authentic, I am my own definition of me and you can't have or change that. I won't be less than I am meant to be for anyone or anything, so don't even try to go there! Love me as I am, or find your way out the door.

It's true: What doesn't kill you does make you stronger, if you learn from it.

It makes you faster, bolder, braver, prouder. Your tears don't make you weak, if you choose not to fall into the trap of victim-hood. Your mistakes aren't the end of the world, and you don't have to be perfect! They're just a practice run for the perfect version that you're creating, whether that's a business model, your own body, or your dreams.

So, how do you create your own soundtrack?

For me, it's pretty simple. I'm an amateur musicologist (okay, maybe not the best word for me, but the word I want is escaping me this morning), so I tend to group my music by how it makes me feel. It's a daunting task when I look at the thousands of songs I have in my library, with options ranging from classical to R&B. I literally have a little of something from every genre (I think... though usually when I say that, someone asks me about a new genre that I haven't listened to, and I have to go listen and decide if I want to add that!). So.. Here's my process in a nutshell:

Step 1: Figure out my goal.

Well, duh. I have to know what I'm creating this music list for, yes? Am I creating a short 20 minute meditation playlist? An hour's worth of upbeat tracks to keep my feet moving during an hour long walk? Just creating something that I can type like a maniac to? Am I looking for a day of music that will pull me out of a mid-winter slump and make me feel good again?

Define what your purpose is, and figure out what feeling you want to convey to yourself. I really don't give a rat's backside if no one else thinks that Adelle, Celtic music and the theme to Star Wars don't belong in the same list. If it makes you feel good, and meets your goal, Go for it, dammit!

Step 2: Throw it all at the wall, and see what sticks.

Okay, not really. That might work with pasta, I've never tried it. However, when it comes to music, and trying to define a playlist that evokes a particular mood, I do tend to throw most of my music into a big pile, randomize it, then hit "play." When a song comes up that really doesn't hit the target, I hit "skip". If the song just sounds good, I let it play (which avoids my head getting all jangled from partial songs and ear-bugs). However, when something comes on that hits the mark - BINGO! Add it to the playlist.

Step 3: Organization is everything.

So, you've got this mess of songs in a playlist now. What started as a list of 300 songs is now a mere 10-15 songs (more or less depending on what you're trying to accomplish). So, now you can rearrange that new list into an order that makes you happy. Yes indeed. I have done playlists that had the Dixie Chicks alongside Cher alongside John Williams. Who cares if it doesn't make sense to anyone else. This is your playlist, yeah?

Step 4: Enjoy It!

What kind of instructions don't tell you how to make something meant to enjoy without actually letting you know that it's time to enjoy it?

So go plug in your ear buds, or put it on the surround sound and crank that baby up! You might find that you need to rearrange things once in a while, add, delete, whatever. It's yours, so do what you need to do to preserve your sanity. When the list no longer sets you where you want to be, or it's just sitting there collecting whatever unused data collects (the electronic equivalent of dust collecting on knicknacks), then delete the darn thing! Don't feel guilty. It's just time to make a new list, and that is totally okay! Enjoy!

So, now it's your turn.

What songs are in your life sound track?

Is it John Williams or Elton John? Adelle or J. Lo.?