The problem with working with two lists, is that you start to have overlap. Today, is one of those days. I wrote about "What's Behind my Blog Name" way back on day 3, so I won't repeat myself there; however, I will give you a little teaser that I'll be starting up two new blogs in the coming weeks that flow along the lines of the business concepts that we're pursuing and that I talked about a few days ago here.
So let's talk a little about fear and what I'm afraid to do...My husband likes to turn the word fear into a lovely little acronym:
F. False
E. Expectations
A. Appear
R. Real
I have what's called Social Anxiety Disorder, along with PTSD. There have been times that going to the grocery store for a loaf of bread has been too much for me. But Anxiety isn't the same as fear.
Anxiety, for me anyway, is more of the heart-pounding, head-swimming, brain-shutting-down, I-think-I'm-going-to-die-for-no-reason kind of experience. Anxiety doesn't have a reason to it. It just is.
Fear, I can rationalize why I feel this emotion. I can explain to you all the reasons that doing this thing is a really bad idea. Fear happens when I'm more focused on all the negative stuff that can go wrong, than I am on the positive outcome of this thing I need to do. Don't get me wrong. Fear has it's place in the world. Without fear, we wouldn't look both ways before crossing the street. We wouldn't think twice about lighting ourselves on fire, or not using a hot pad to pull the pizza out of the oven without fear. Of course.. the world might be a little less populated without fear, but we love our people, right?
So, the question on the table is, what am I afraid to do?
I think, if I come right down to it, I'm afraid of getting truly, completely healthy.
Let that one soak in for just a moment. How healthy are you, really? I am, and have been for a number of years, living with several chronic health issues. Some, I can do something about, like my weight and my cholesterol. and those things, I am attempting to resolve. My mental health issues, are something I can work around. Living in a very small town, with no car, I get lots of exercise, and can manage what little crowds we have here with very few problems. But I'm not at a point where I can do the city yet. And I'm not sure I could hold a J-O-B. Yes, I'm dependent on my disability payments, and I know that they aren't a long-term solution; which is why I'm working towards developing a business where I can flex my hours when I need to.
But to get totally healthy? I haven't been that in so long, I don't even know what it would look like or what it would feel like. Not being able to envision something like that is downright scary. And that makes it hard to see it clearly enough to manifest it, let alone be comfortable with it.
So where does that leave me?
Do I not even try?
Or do I take what I can envision as it comes to me, get comfortable with it and make it happen? I'll go with the latter. I can work on small things, little steps toward getting more and more healthy. Will I ever be "truly healthy?" I don't know, and I'm not going to stress over that point. Maybe at some point, I'll sit down, and look back on this post and say to myself, "Hey, I actually did do that thing I was afraid of doing! Look at me!"
What are you afraid of? What scares the bejeezus out of you? Jump in the comments below and share your feelings, or hop over to my Facebook page and share there.
Enjoying this series? Want to check it out from the very beginning? Go to the Intro to read more, and follow from there.
If you're a blogger, or thinking about starting a blog, and would like to use the 31 day challenge for yourself, go for it! I only ask that you blog ethically, and give credit to your sources, and that you hop over to my Facebook page and let me know, so that I and my readers can join you, too!
Until next time, Live Large, Lovelies!
Muah!
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